2. You are considerably more likely to get hit by a car if you are outside your house.
3. $4.00 for a gallon of gas does not apply to you anymore.
4. Getting pooped on by birds sucks.
5. Body odor (if others have it, it is truly horrifying).
6. Your house is less likely to get broken into if you're always home.
7. You can work from home.
8. Most people are jackasses.
9. Building on #8, you're much less likely to get involved with human beings on any kind of a meaningful level. (That's a good thing due to point #8).
10. Adding to #9, you're considerably less likely to get murdered by an important person in your life (mostly because there won't be any important people in your life).
11. High-speed internet.12. Direc-TV
13. The Sun. (Seriously. It's a silent killer).
14. Killer bees.
15. No car bills.16. You can always stay up-to-date on the news.
17. Avoid high movie-theater prices.
18. You pretty much don't need to worry about inclement weather (with the exception of hurricanes).
19. Pizza can be delivered.
20. You don't have to deal with your boss (as much).
21. HDTV.
22. The Playstation 3.
23. People can't sneeze on you anymore.
24. Reclining chairs.
25. You can hire someone to go grocery shopping for you.
26. "House: MD" marathons.
27. The Internet is usually faster indoors.
28. You can avoid rush-hour traffic.
29. Whenever obnoxious Harley-Davidson motorcyclists drive by, you can be ready to shoot your BB guns at them.
30. Nobody will know if you're drunk at 10 in the morning.
31. You can now avoid the ubiquitous obnoxious douche who drives while talking on his cell phone.
32. There is zero chance you will run into Charlie Sheen.
33. You can avoid seeing fat people who wear revealing clothing.
34. If you're super-famous (like me) you don't have to worry about random people harassing you for your autograph.
35. Drama kids (this horrifying group of people is enough reason for me to never leave bed).
36. You probably won't get eaten by a bear, lion, or other beast.
37. You can avoid awkward conversations with drug-seekers (especially if you live in Portland, OR).
38. Your TV is in your house.
39. There's no reason to do laundry since you can just stay naked all day.
40. You can't step in some inconsiderate douche's dog's poop.
41. You will always be around to scare annoying school children off your lawn.
42. Comedy Central.
43. You can't get jumped. (You can be robbed, but you have a better chance of living if you're being robbed in your house. See: "Home Alone").
44. Avoidance of homeless people.
45. People like your money: they don't like to see you, so you shouldn't bother trying to see them.
46. Getting stabbed freaking hurts, and you're less likely to get stabbed in your own place during a robbery. (You're more likely to get shot, which hurts, but, it's not as scary as getting stabbed).
47. Avoiding the heartbreak of missing out on the last cookie/piece of cake, etc. It's so lame when you come home from work only to find out that some wretch ate the last double-chocolate chocolate chip cookie.
48. The despair that comes when you go grocery shopping and the store is out of milk and eggs and Reese's peanutbutter cups.
49. Pollen.
50. You have a better chance of surviving a tornado if you're in your house.
51. You don't have to worry about femi-nazis (feminists) freaking out on you if you hold a door open for them.
52. There is really no more reason for you to shave and keep up a decent-looking appearance.
53. You will no longer be criticized for wearing pajama pants all day, every day.
54. It can be shorts-weather all year long.
55. You no longer have to worry about birds dropping their disgusting turds in your beverage cup (unless you own a pet bird, let it fly all around your house, and it decides to poop in your drinking water).
56. Mosquitoes suck (literally).
57. Stalkers cannot stalk you if you never, ever leave your house.
58. Thanks to the Web, you can find pictures of every country on the planet, so you really have no reason to actually go to those places. They usually suck in real-life, anyway.
59. Peace and quiet.
60. You can work on elaborate plans to take over the world from the comfort of your arm chair.
61. Avoiding the types of people who bring 11 items into a 10-item express lane. Douches.
62. No one can puke on you when you're watching a baseball game (unless you have a Phillies fan in your house).
63. You will no longer be bothered with unreasonable expectations in terms of social etiquette.
64. No more smelling other persons' farts.
65. You can work out at home and not be stared at by piggish dudes.
66. You don't have to listen to people complain about their lives on their cell phones on the bus.
67. No need for a designated driver.
68. Also, no need to share your alcohol.
69. No one can tell you what to do and when to do it (unless you have a bossy wife or bossy boss).
70. You do not need one of those obnoxious, location-broadcasting smartphones/tablets.
71. You will no longer see those stupid people talking into their stupid Bluetooth headsets and wonder if they're schizophrenic.
72. Rewinding and fast-forwarding live TV.
73. Online college courses.
74. Avoiding the disappointment of totally sucking at relationships.
75. Getting hit in the face with yellow snowballs.
76. Billions of people are already out living their lives as parts of the world. Do you really want to be a conformist? Didn't think so.
77. You are much less likely to catch some nasty African virus (like Ebola or Marburg).
78. Goths (I am not talking about the cool Viking-like guys; I am talking about the sissy people who whine about everything just like drama kids do).
79. You have much more control over the temperature in your house than you do over the temperature outside.
80. You can befriend the ghosts that are haunting your house.
81. Avoiding women drivers (sorry, but every time I get in a car and the female drives, I end up in the fetal position).
82. Emo kids.
83. Windburn is unpleasant and you can only get it if you're outside.
84. Potholes.
85. Stumbleupon.com.
86. Blogs.
87. Tempur-Pedic bed.
88. Chilling with your dog.
89. Air-conditioning.
90. DOTA.
91. Settlers of Catan: Computer Version
92. Terrorists are out there.
93. South Park.
94. Online bill-paying.
95. Wikipedia.
96. Getting stuck in an elevator is terrifying.
97. You can blast your tunes and not be vilified for your choices of music (my fave right now is "All or Nothing" by O-Town. Deal with it).
98. By never going outside, you are, on some level, telling Mother Nature to "suck it"; essentially, you are telling her that her world is not good enough for you and you will just stay cooped up in your private sanctuary of awesomeness.
99. Tripping over sidewalks (it's annoying and can cause a lot of pain and anguish).
100. The general nastiness of mankind is out there and you can't let it poison you.
*This list was meant to be a semi-serious (yet hopefully amusing) criticism of the way we human beings live.
